Yesterday Zoe came back to Fuhua, we talked to her for really long, and we took Polaroids too, using her cool camera. I guess girls are, at heart, all the same. And that is something that comforts me, I don't know why. Zoe's a huge inspiration to us all =)

I started thinking, a lot, after listening to what she said. Maybe I've been fooling myself into thinking that I'm getting better, but after yesterday it feels like someone tapped me on the shoulder and told me to look back. And I turn around to face a huge, bleak mess that I've been running away from before it consumes me. Now, having had stopped myself after such a long time of escapism, it feels like the past few months have never happened at all and I'm still the way I was from so long ago.

I need to move on. What the hell is wrong with me? Everyone keeps telling me things will be fine and despite the initial resistance, eventually I started telling myself the same thing too. But nothing's gonna happen unless I do something about it.

18 - 4 = 14, ): ? Screw it, I'm not going to care anymore. Why should I care, nothing will change. Why should I invest all my emotions into a dormant cause, nothing will change. Why should I even bother at all?

18 - 4 = 14. Those are 14 reasons why I need to get up and move on, and now I know. 14 reasons why I'm not good enough, 14 things I can't ever match up to. I was never good enough, what did I think? Why did I even hold onto such a belief, I'm so stupid.

This is an important year, and in so many ways. This week has gone, and I have 51 more weeks to go before the year is over. I'm going to make it all better. =)